Go West Young Man- Part II
A few readers have questioned where the promised men’s half is. I apologize for the delayed posting.
The reason this has taken an extra week to deliver is because at many parts I feel like a hypocrite writing it. I just want to make certain that you know that as I write most of these posts, I am sharing with you the lessons God is teaching me. I am merely saying, this is the truth that God has shown me, walk with me this direction. I am not in anyway trying to give the impression that I have arrived and have the answers, and here they are. Just because I see the truth, it does not mean that I am great at following it.
These past two weeks, either God decided to see if I was serious, or God let Satan test my resolve. I will let that argument for the theologians. We will go back to Ephesians now, and hopefully we can convince our young man to go to California.
In Ephesians 5:25-28, men are given two directives. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the Church, and we are to love our wives as we love ourselves. There is a little more detail added, but that is the summary of what we are to do.
To be honest the second half is not that difficult to put into practice. If I love watching football, I should force my wife to watch football so that I am loving her like I am loving myself. If I hate taking out the trash, I should convince my wife to hate it as well and that it does not need done so that I am loving her like I am loving myself.
Ok, Ok, I admit it that is quite twisted interpretation, but at least if I felt like being a jerk, there is enough of an opening there for me to twist things around and justify. However, God took it up a few notches, and this is where myself and many other husbands miss the ticket.
We in our Christian marriages have the responsibility to model for the world around us the relationship the Church has with Christ. Unfortunately, we as men have the role of Christ in this little drama. We are to function as Christ and as the head.
I know there are some of you that are saying, “That’s right, I am the head, I am the boss, I need to be obeyed, blah blah blah.” You are correct that we have a place of leadership, but you are forgetting something. I cannot make my wife do anything, and neither can you. The only person I can change is myself with the grace of God. So what am I to do? Am I to be a king in my kingdom with my wife as my serving wench? This is the model many in previous generations have espoused. However, if I set myself up as king, I have missed my job. I am to love my wife as Christ loves the church.
So lets look at some of the ways Christ loved the church:
1. Christ died for the church even when it was his enemy. Some of you out there are saying, “I would gladly die if it gives me the sweet release of death from the presence of my enemy.” You know all to well this was not the love of Christ. Christ’s love in this action was to pursue the church and draw her to him. To redeem it. So men, when your wife as acting like your enemy, contradicting everything you say, are you pursuing her? Are you so desirous of a love relationship with her that you are willing to suffer just to draw her to you? That is what Christ did/does.
We men have a natural tendency to withdraw. Look at the condition of the American family. Many of the problems can be traced back to men withdrawing and not engaging. Even if our wife is the contentious nagging woman of proverbs, we are still to pursue a relationship with her. Sucks doesn’t it? You pursue, she bites you, you pursue, she assaults you, you still need to pursue. Not for you, not for her, but for the testimony you are to the world.
2. Christ sacrificed himself for the church. Sounds a little redundant, but it is not. Men are naturally selfish, and we wear that selfishness out loud when were are given a leadership role. We typically run to one end of the spectrum or another. We either withdraw or we turn into dictators, but Christ was neither. Christ sacrificed himself out of love for the church. Are we sacrificing, or are we demanding? Regardless of whether or not your wife submits, you still need to sacrifice yourself.
To bring it full circle to my friend in CA and her husband, regardless of whether she went, regardless of what precedent that may set in your marriage, regardless of how she may have royally screwed things up for you, be Christ. Pursue her with a passion. Pursue her like Christ. Go West!
Back on topic, Christ is love, and we are to love like Christ. Unconditionally, sacrificially, and…. oh yeah, why don’t we go to I Corinthians 13 and look at what Love is.
Love is patient; are you patient with your wife? Love is kind; are your kind to your wife? It does not envy; do you get envious of your wife? It does not boast; are you boastful about your ‘authority’? It is not proud; are you humble in your relationship with your wife? It is not rude; isn’t it rude to only make time for your wife during commercials of sporting events? It is not self-seeking; whose will are you seeking? It is not easily angered; oh no, now we cannot have a temper. It keeps no record of wrongs; so does this mean I cannot point out to my wife all her screw ups of the past 5, 10, 15, 20 past years? yep. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth; this one is pretty self explanatory, but I have spoken with some who it is not reality. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres; do you protect her, do you trust her, do you have hope in your marriage, do you persevere through the crap? Love never fails; don’t fail men, the future of Christendom is built on the family and the cornerstone of which is the marriage.
It is time to step up to the plate men. It is time to model Christ to the world. We are told to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and to love our neighbor as our self, so loving our wives is not an option. It is not always easy, it is does not always feel good, but it is what we should do.
Women, if your husband is a sweetie pie or a dictator it does not matter, you are to submit. God does not give you an out. The Bible does not say submit when you agree, it says to submit in all things.
Men, we have no out either. Our wives may be the least or the most submissive woman in the history of the world, and we must still love them. There is no out in the Bible.
The reason there is no out for either party is because it is not about us, it is about Christ and showing him to the world. Keep that as our focus, and it makes it a little easier to stay on target. Stay on target. (sorry slipped into a star wars mantra there).
My friend in CA, submit, go home, be the church to your husband and return regardless of how he acts, what he says, or what he does or does not do. Husband of friend, regardless of what she does or does not do, pursue her. Chase her like Christ chases his bride. Be the model, buck the trend, shine for Christ.
Last of all, husbands and wives, pray for each other, not only your spouse, but the other couples you know as well.
i think you definitely hit the nail on the head… now here comes the application.
“Women, if your husband is a sweetie pie or a dictator it does not matter, you are to submit. God does not give you an out. The Bible does not say submit when you agree, it says to submit in all things.”
Are you serious! Why should women be forced to submit? They are people as well. They are just as much of a person as you or me, so why should they be treated any differently?
Paul commanded women to be submissive to their husbands — in the same section he commands slaves to be submissive to their masters (Titus 2).
Women are not slaves. They are people, and they should be treated as such. If you are in a bad marriage with a dictator, get out of it. If you are not happy, get out of it. Why should women suffer without cause?
Women are people too, don’t forget that you sexist pig.
“Women, if your husband is a sweetie pie or a dictator it does not matter, you are to submit. God does not give you an out. The Bible does not say submit when you agree, it says to submit in all things.”
Ugh. God is not merely unkind, but sick and sadistic.
This is ridiculous, you are taking the bible fully out of context. Lets first remember these things, the bible is not directly God’s word, it is God’s word through man. You can not expect any man to be completely divine as God and Jesus Christ so we shouldn’t take their words as literally as you have. The Bible is more of a reference point, something to look to but not to take literally. It was written forever ago. We have to take what it says and apply it to modern day life. Women should not submit to their husbands, they should have an equal and balanced relationship or they will never truly be happy.
Also you are completely forgetting homosexual couples. All of your relationship advice is based solely on the assumption the relationship is heterosexual. That is a huge assumption my friend.
I think women look at the word “submit” and immediately get angry. I think the reason for that may be that they are, or have been, or constantly see other women in, abusive relationships. Not necessarily physically abusive, but maybe emotionally. What woman wants to “submit” to a man who treats her like dirt?
I used to think this way. I’d been in some lousy relationships that made me think I never, NEVER would submit to a man. Then again, I was a different place in my life, physically, emotionally, AND spiritually at the time. For me, submission doesn’t mean lowering my eyes and saying “yes, dear” to everything he says… it means having a relationship of mutual respect with my husband.
To those of you who object to this post so much… take note of what’s said 2 paragraphs below point #2. I Corinthians 13 tells us what love is supposed to be. Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. That’s the line IMMEDIATELY AFTER the one about wives submitting to their husbands. If a husband is loving his wife the way the Bible instructs him to, the word “submit” doesn’t even come to mind because you’re treating each other with respect.
But Kurt… let me ask you this. In light of this post and the one preceeding it… what would you say to a woman who was in an abusive relationship? Then what??
And again you are all assuming these relationships are heterosexual… just saying
Yet another reason to try and get rid of the nefarious influence on christianity on modern American life. Why would a set of self serving paradigms written for slave owning misogynous desert dwelling males have anything positive for us today? Apologists trying to argue that submit means mutual respect are just fooling themselves.
sorry meant OF christianity, not on christianity.
the Biblical form of a marriage IS heterosexual, always has been, always will
yoyo: I think you need to understand that not all slavery back in Biblical times was the kind of slavery we have had here in America. Please take the time to research this and you’ll find that slaves were a lot of times just employees. Yes, they were technically “owned” but usually treated as one of the family, not beaten up and lynched. The way it applies to us today is that we need to be treating our bosses with respect. That’s how it has something positive for us today.
VJ: I take extreme offense to you saying my God is sick and sadistic. I’m not sure where you get that from? I know you can twist what submission means into saying that wives must obey their husbands, but in a healthy relationship that’s now how it works. The wife’s opinion matter so much that the husband should always be taking his wife’s opinion into account. Jesus (whether you believe it or not) died on the cross for us… and that’s what a husband should do.. lay down his life, his desires, his motives, his needs… for his wife.
I’m sure other people like Kurt and Joe can delve better into the whole submissiveness issue than I can. However, I do want to say to those who have taken offense to it that I was once in your boat. I was dating a Christian who felt that when the Bible said “submit” that meant that he was the head of our relationship, had complete control, and whatever he wanted was right. However, just like what Nicole mentioned about how it says right after that the husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the church, we need not forget that there are not only commands to the wives. I happily submit to fiance because I know that he loves me like Christ loves the church. That’s such a big responsibility for him and I know he doesn’t take that lightly. He wouldn’t try to force me into anything or make all decisions without my input. He wouldn’t ever place his needs above mine. He never has and I know he never will. God didn’t call husbands to be dictators. He called them to love their wives, to respect them, to treat them like Christ treated the church…and when that happens, wives don’t look at submissiveness as degrading. It’s a way of showing our husbands that we trust them, that we know that they will seek guidance from God and older/wiser Christian men, that they will listen to us, love us, provide for us, and respect us. Sadly, there are Christian men out there who have twisted this whole part of God’s Word to the point where the rest of the world (and other Christians) see it as degrading and like a dictatorship. Maybe I’m not explaining this the best way but I just want people to know that it’s not how they’re seeing it. I hope that helps.
this is seriously some of the most messed up crap i’ve read in a while. you are the kind of people that make me question my faith. it is because of christians like you all that i hate to consider myself one and start to lean towards not believing.
Brenda-would you be able to explain to me what part of a husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church and a wife’s response of respect and submission to that love given her is “messed up crap”? It is us (sinners saved by His grace) that have messed it all up. He created marriage to be a beautiful loving relationship and He even gave us instructions on how to keep it that way. I am thankful for the instructions part. If we would just follow the Scriptures (yet again) we would not see the abuse and negative side in the wourd submission.
@all
First and foremost, I want make certain that I am crystal clear. A husband who abuses his wife is wrong. I never have and never will advocate any person abusing another. I know that was not the point of many here, but some seemed to be heading that direction with their thoughts, so I wanted to keep clarity at the forefront of this discussion.
Now on to the topic at hand. To understand this, I think it would help to understand a Christians purpose on earth. Our purpose can be summed up in three statements, each of which hinges on the next.
We are to Love God
because of our Love for God,
We are to Love Others
because of our Love for Others and our Love for God,
We are to be working to influence Others toward Loving God more.
With that in mind, even when we are in an abusive relationship, spouse or otherwise, we are to do all we can to help that person see God’s love more.
The two greatest examples of this come from the Bible. I know many of you look at the Bible as merely myth, but if one is looking to see how a Christian should live, then the Bible would be the natural source material.
The first example is Jesus. When he was abused, he did not resist, he did not pull away, no he stayed, engaged, and loved. Even to the loss of his life.
Paul is another example. His personal safety was not a litmus test in whether or not he should proceed with his mission for God, but safety was actually disregarded for the sake of sharing God’s love.
So based on this, I think a Christian woman should have the goal of showing a husband love regardless of her personal safety.
That being said, as a Christian would I condemn or look down on a woman who escaped from an abusive husband?
Never! That is between her and God.
I hope that helps clarify some things, feel free to respond.
Well i’m sure glad i’m not married to you!
Brenda- you clearly want to pick a fight. I will not give you that satisfaction. The flip side of the belief is that I believe an abused husband should stay in the relationship as well.
I am sorry if a clear presentation of truth is so troubling for you.