Go West Young Man- Part I
I am not sure why, but ever since I can remember, I have always had a sensitivity towards divorce. Not in a judgemental, God will punish you sort of way, but in a heart breaking way. Few things will mess me up more than hearing about someone I am close to getting divorced.
About three years ago, a couple who were dear friends of my wife and I separated. She left him for another guy. Even after three years, this brings me great sadness. Looking back, there were warning signs, but we never said anything. We just kept on being friends and never brought up the red flags.
American Christians are very territorial about their privacy. We do not want someone poking around in our business, and as a courtesy, we will not poke in anyone else’s. Well, that has ended. I speak up now. Granted I still slip into some of my old tendencies, but by and large, if I see something that even smells like a problem I will bring it up to you.
As Christians we need to love each other to the point where we are willing to sacrifice our friendship for the sake of pulling a brother or sister out of Satan’s schemes. That is one of our purposes here on earth, so let’s start practicing it. And if you hear me start a sentence, “I am not sure how to say this.” Please know it is coming out of a love and concern for you.
All that being said, I have been working on today’s post for about two months now. Not that I have been writing it for two months. Some of you may look at the length of the post and think that I write one word an hour if it took me two months to write this. For two months I have been meditating on the scripture, and how it relates to us. I would come to write, and then God would lay something more pressing on my heart so I would write that.
Last week, after I had written the post for the week, I started chatting with a friend in California. She had left her husband to go to California to take classes. It then boiled down to basically a power play between the two of them, he stayed in Lancaster, and she went. So back to our conversation, I asked her how things were going between the two of them, and she mentioned that he had filed for divorce.
Hearing that, the weight of this post grew in me. I am going to use them as an illustration in this post. I can do this since you do not know who I am talking about, and because I hope that God will redeem their marriage. One more thing to clarify, these folks and I are friendly, but not close friends. I say this to let you know that I do not know all the ins and outs of their story. I know the basic outline I already gave you, and that is about it.
Those of you who are familiar with the scriptures are probably guessing that the passage we are going to discuss is Ephesians 5:22-28. If you guessed this, you win a prize. See the prize attendant at the prize counter on your way out to claim your prize.
In verses 22-24, Paul addresses the wives. These verses are every husbands favorite verses to quote when he wants to sleep on the couch for the night or maybe the week. Not a lot of explanation is needed in these verses. God says that the wife is supposed to submit to the husband in everything.
As a guy who has difficulty submitting to authority, I can somewhat understand the weight of these verses. It makes it even harder the times that you as the wife, know you are right, but the husband is still pushing ahead. I am certain a history of men using these verses to billy club their wives back into ‘their place’ makes them all the more difficult to bear.
That being said, regardless of reasons you have against it, the truth is that God commands you to submit. That is it. Not kicking and screaming, because that is not how the church submits to Christ, but out of love. You love them so much that you will submit to and follow them as a picture of the church’s response to Christ. And yes, you will pray your heart out for your husband, because lets be honest, we men can be quite boneheaded at times.
Taking this home to my friend in CA, when your husband said do not go, you should not have gone. It does not matter if he is being an idiot, and you are right and justified in your mind, you need to submit. The question you have to ask yourself is, “Do you love God more than your desire to be in CA?” ”Do you love God more than what you believe is your destiny?”
For any woman, do you love God more than ____________? You fill in the blank. If you have trouble saying yes, then you have to ask yourself, do you trust Him? You see, this is no longer a husband/wife issue, it is a God issue. Do you trust God enough to submit to your husband? The question is not, do you trust your husband enough? You husband will screw up. Your husband will break your trust. Your husband will be a bone head, but still you must submit.
Love and trust are intertwined. So look at your life. Has God ever given you a reason not trust Him? Then why not trust him on this one and see what happens?
When you make this a husband/wife issue, submitting sucks. When it is a matter of loving God, it becomes easier, because God’s yoke is not burdensome.
Well, I have gone longer than what I thought I would have on this half of the passage. The husband of CA friend and all the rest of us husbands get a pass until next week. Be warned, I will not be pulling any punches. We actually have more required of us, and we better start delivering.
To the husband of my friend, the title is for you. Go west! I will make the case next week, but as of now my only advice is to Go West! Trust God and go west.
I’ve noticed that the more I see my wife submitting, the more I become desperate to grow closer to the Lord and make right, selfless decisions for my family. In fact, it forces me into putting down my childish ways and becoming more of a man. Perhaps this is one of His reasons for giving us this section of scripture?
Yeah, the man has greater responsibility, but a wife can make it much easier with her actions. Just like God tells us to submit to the leadership of the church so we do not become a burden to them. One more time, be warned men, next week the gloves come off.